Swallow Lane (A Liars Island Suspense) by Marie Snow & Jordan Marie & Jenika Snow

Author:Marie Snow & Jordan Marie & Jenika Snow [Snow, Marie & Marie , Jordan & Snow, Jenika]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Marie Snow
Published: 2021-03-04T00:00:00+00:00

13

Matthew

Three Weeks Later

The weeks had gone by surprisingly fast, and I’d spent all of them with Jenny. Three weeks in which my life had seemed normal. I couldn’t be sure, because I had never experienced it, but it sure felt normal. There were times that I even felt happy. There were still moments of anxiety, times of panic. Yet, I had always felt like I spent my life on a tightrope ready to plunge to my death at any moment.

I was used to that feeling.

Three weeks of dating Jenny, although I didn’t know if “dating” was even the right term. We hung out together, spent time with one another. She told me about her life, her childhood. I kept quiet about mine. But I enjoyed being around her. She made me feel… lighter.

I hadn’t told her about my past. I knew I needed to. She deserved to know my history, but what about me? Didn’t I deserve some sort of peace? Was I being selfish for even thinking that? I’d been going to therapy and I refused to miss a session. I’d even been taking the medicine my mother insisted I needed.

I was trying because I was desperate to feel normal, and I wanted to be that way for Jenny.

But as I thought about the other night, I wondered why I’d done what I’d done. My mother had given me the pills. I’d popped them in my mouth, taken a swig of water, then threw the bottle and spit them out when she’d left my room.

And I’d fallen asleep without that fuzzy distortion that accompanied me taking the medication. It had felt amazing. And when I woke the next morning, my head was actually clear. But then guilt set in. Was I trying to sabotage myself? Was there a part of myself that wanted to be disconnected?

A part of me felt so bad, like I’d done something criminal by not taking the prescriptions and hiding it from my mother. But I couldn’t deny the difference in how I felt and how staggering that was to me. And honestly… I’d come close to stopping my medication altogether. I was afraid of messing up what Jenny and I had begun, though. I didn’t want to lose that. She’s amazing. Her smile spreads through me like a physical warmth, surrounding me and reaching into the darkness like nothing else ever had before.

And I found myself searching for ways to bring that smile to her face.

The bottom line was that I wanted to be better—do better—for her. I wanted to be the man that she deserved.

“You okay?” Jenny questioned, pulling my attention back to her. We were sitting on the hood of her car, looking out over the lake, sharing lunch.

“Sorry, I zoned out,” I muttered.

“You seem a million miles away today. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, Jenny. I’m just dreading my doctor’s appointment. I wish I could blow it off and then you and I could spend the evening together.”

Jenny moved so that her side was pushed against me, and then she wrapped her arm around me, hugging me.

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